Ok. So I have been here for 5 long weeks, which means that I have a lot to catch you guys up on, but first, I want to be very honest with you and take the time to explain as best I can as to why it has taken me this long to post something.
I came here overwhelmed with excitement to grow in my relationship with God and see what new things He was going to teach me but wow, I had no idea that it was going to hit me in a way I had never experienced before. On the first official day of my DTS, they gathered all 42 of us students and said that this experience was not going to be what we were expecting but that it would be exactly what we needed. Of corse, hearing that, I was only more excited and not fully aware of the weight and gravity of that statement. The first week was filled with fun and excitement but when week 2 came, something hit me. For some reason, as we were sitting in lectures, learning about God, I noticed that I was really struggling to feel God's presence or even a connection to Him at all. It was like there was some kind of wall in between us and I had no idea how to get rid of it other than pray for God to remove whatever it was. As 2 more weeks of this went by, I was getting frustrated as students around me were constantly hearing God speak to them in various ways and being moved by all of the things we were learning. It even got to a point where I really disliked singing and worship in the mornings because I just couldn't feel what I was singing. I enjoyed learning everything in the lectures but I kept feeling like something was wrong with me because I just couldn't get truly happy. During this time, I also felt so terrible for not having posted any kind of update for anyone supporting me, but felt like I was in no place to write anything genuine about how God was transforming my life when I was struggling so much just to hear from Him.
Fortunately, when week 4 came, God opened my eyes as to what was going on and I finally felt His presence. The 4th week was the prayer and worship conference and was held in Toowoomba, a beautiful, mountainous part of Australia that I had no idea existed. We spent most of our time in a huge tent, praying, worshiping and hearing lectures with about 200 people consisting of 3 other YWAM bases, and when we weren't in the tent, we were at a nearby church hearing more lectures and doing more prayer and worship. I was smacked in the face with so much truth and knowledge about God and how we interact with Him. I'll go into more detail about all of the things I learned during that time but what hit me the most was what one of the speakers said:
"There's this myth within Christianity that if you're surrounded by this intense culture of Jesus, you're going to feel great all the time. Unfortunately, this is not how it works. There will be times when we do not feel like worshiping or praying but we do it anyway because He is good. Because He is who He says He is. If you're not feeling His presence, that's not on God, that's on you. There is never a time when He is not loving, gracious, merciful, just, or kind. No matter how you're feeling, get in the presence of God because that is the only place to be in order to feel Him. If you are looking for refuge in anything else, you will not find it."
While this might seem a bit harsh, I love it when a speaker calls us out, as a society, on the things that we just aren't getting right and does not sugar-coat things like so many of the pastors that I am used to hearing in America tend to do. It is so important that we hear the truth from the Bible that calls us to action and the standard God has called us to rather than something that is easier to hear because it doesn't mean we have to change much about the comfortable life we enjoy living. After hearing his words of wisdom, I realized that I have basically based everything surrounding God in my life on feelings. If there was a season of my life where I wasn't feeling connected to God, I chose to run to other things to fill that void, to take refuge in. It sounds so stupid when I think about it because how could I not realize that no matter how I am feeling, God is good all the time and is always worthy of my praise. And on top of that, if I'm not feeling His presence, why would going to other things help me feel any better? So I decided to put this to practical use. It was our last night in Toowoomba and we were at the nearby church about to spend a lengthy time in worship. It was right after dinner and I was talking to one of the staff leaders on my DTS about how I was going to stay in His presence and continue to seek Him; that I was going to choose to worship Him because He was good, no matter what I was feeling or not feeling. Sure enough, during the very first song, this overwhelming feeling of joy came over me and I knew God was there. I couldn't wipe the ridiculous grin off of my face as I heard God saying that He was there the whole time. And then, the echoing of the speaker's words filled my ears as I heard God say that it was never on Him for the feelings that I had because He was always that good. Just because I had walls built up between us, He never left my side; He was always that amazing and wonderful, and at that moment, I felt it. While it didn't last a super long time, it was so cool to experience His goodness in that moment, almost like an answered prayer to show me that He is always right there with me. And from now on, no matter what I feel, I will choose to praise Him anyway and sit in His presence simply because He is good.
Now as to the last reason I have not posted an update: we have homework due every week and since we did not have much time to do last week's homework in Toowoomba, I have been trying to catch up with that. Again, I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to post something. I will be doing my best to give an update every week or two.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate anyone who is supporting me financially or through prayer. It is such a blessing and I know I would not be here without it. Hopefully this gives you a little insight into what has been happening here in the Sunshine Coast. Next time, I will share about the outreach locations and go into more depth on the topics that were covered each week I've been here.
Lastly, here are some pics of the YWAM base here in the Sunny Coast and some that I took in the city, enjoy :)
The Base:
City:
